This afternoon, I sent an email to my children’s teachers. I don’t know why it took so long for me to think to do this, but I am going to make an annual habit of it because I think it is essential, not only for my kids but all children.
I wrote the following:
Dear Miss Anderson,
Good afternoon, this is Cameron’s mom. I wanted to reach out to you, first off, to say thank you for all the hard work you have already put forth to get the classroom ready for this year but also to ask your assistance with something.
I have been teaching my children about body safety: appropriate/inappropriate touches, not keeping secrets, and the importance of telling a trusted adult if they feel someone is not respecting their body or following the rules of not sharing private parts. I often review this with my children and we talk about who is in their ‘Body Safety Circle” – trusted adults they can talk to about body safety. Being his teacher and someone that he sees every day, we have picked you as one of the people he can talk to if he ever needs help. Especially since you’re a mandated reporter I know that if he ever didn’t feel talking to my husband or me, you would be an appropriate person to be there for him.
If you have any questions please let me know. I look forward to meeting you at parent night!
Now, why is this SO important for all us parents to be doing?
First off, I want to address the statistic that 1:4 girls and 1:6 boys are estimated to experience sexual abuse before they turn 18. That isn’t just some unsubstantiated fear, this is truly an epidemic that people don’t want to talk about as something that could happen to their family. Some people are so focused on stranger-danger, but the reality is that most abductions are family-related and only an approximate 115 cases of ‘stranger abduction‘ cases affect children every year – most often with teens, not little kids. I can’t help but feel a tinge of frustration when millions of people share a post about protecting toddlers from being kidnapped at a park but treat body safety education information as being taboo or unnecessary because they only leave their children with people they ‘trust.’ The mentality that only bad parents have children that are abused is not only dangerous, it’s hurtful to all the loving, protective parents who are trying to raise awareness that abusers are very much the most seemingly trustworthy people you’ll meet. But, I digress.
Ok, so THIS is why we need to talk to teachers about sexual abuse:
1. Not all kids will tell their parents if something is wrong. That’s just the truth. Teachers are one of the most common mandated reporters of sexual abuse.
2. I want to make sure this person knows our family is educated, vigilant, and not afraid to talk about sexual abuse. Just as teachers are common reporters, school staff are also estimated to be responsible for sexually harassing or assaulting 10% of students by the time they graduate high school.
3. Chances are there will be a child in one of my child’s classes over the years that is a victim of sexual abuse. When teachers are more aware of the possibility and prepared to receive a disclosure or have the courage to file a report that they suspect abuse, we can help protect more children.
And why stop with teachers? Our children’s coaches, troop leaders, religious education instructors, music/art/acting teachers, babysitters, grandparents, cousins, friends parents etc. I created a FREE Body Safety Circle coloring page a few years ago to help parents have these conversations. Each of these people can help us better protect our children and, in all reality, it is people in these roles that also have the trust and opportunity to abuse children. Educating children is only one small part to keeping them safe, they also benefit by being surrounded by people that understand and support their bodily autonomy, and convicted abusers have admitted they are less likely to target a child that they know is educated about their bodies. Abusers don’t want to get caught and they often choose their targets based on their ability to keep them quiet.
I can’t control what other parents teach their children, I can’t control everything my children will face during their childhood, but I can do what is in my power to spread the word and normalize abuse prevention education. Every day, new stories break of abusers being charged and children breaking the silence of painful secrets they’ve been keeping for too long. I don’t want my children or any child to suffer in such a way; and as a survivor myself, I can absolutely say that the silence on this topic did nothing to keep me safe or help me heal. We can’t expect children to tell if we are not willing to talk about it first. We have to set the example that this is important, and nothing is more important to us than their safety.
Adrianne Simeone
Executive Director & Founder
The Mama Bear Effect
