Suspected Abuse
In many instances of sexual abuse, someone or many people suspected something. The difference between preventing child sexual abuse and enabling it is often a matter of caring and being strong enough to take action. Many are afraid of causing trouble for someone or being wrong, that they convince themselves that their suspicions are incorrect or simply try to deny what they know and what it could mean. Or worse, there are those who clearly know and ignore the abuse.
If we are going to become a society of Mama and Papa Bears, we have to be prepared to face such fear and work past the discomfort when others choose denial. We have to tell ourselves and our community – we will not back down when a child’s safety is at risk, and we will stand up and be strong for them when they need us most.
We will stand up and be strong for them when they need us most.
From Darkness to Light‘s Website:
What if I’m Not Sure? Where Do I Go?
- Child Advocacy Centers coordinate all the professionals (legal and social services) involved in a case. If you’re unsure about whether to make an official report or just need support, contact a child advocacy center. They will help you evaluate your suspicions. To find one near you, contact National Children’s Alliance at www.nca-online.org or 1-800-239-9950.
- Child Abuse Helplines have staff specifically trained to deal with questions about suspected child sexual abuse. Stop it Now has online chat and email options. Call Darkness to Light’s helpline, 1-866-FOR-LIGHT to be routed to resources in your own community, or call the ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD
- Local Community Agencies, such as local hotlines, United Way offices, or rape crisis centers can often help.
- Talk to the Child’s Parents (as long as they are not the abusers) referencing educational resources to learn more.
- A Psychologist if it is your child, and especially if they are young (under 7), it may be best to have them evaluated by a professional before making a report.
These resources can help if you are unsure about whether abuse has occurred, but they do not substitute for making an official report. Remember that you may be a mandated reporter in your state and you may be the only source of protection that the child has.
I Asked My Child and He said ‘No’
As we’ve mentioned, most children will not disclose abuse for years, if ever. But even when directly asked if they are being abused, many will still say no. Asking once is not enough. Assure them that you can protect them. Assure them that it is would not be their fault. Let them know they can come to you, or any responsible adult. Be loving. Be open. Be calm.
Disclosure of Abuse by a Child
It most likely took great courage for the child to disclose the abuse. It is very important that we are prepared for this moment so that we can best support the victim and make sure that the proper information is shared with the authorities. From the moment they first start talking to you about their abuse, you become involved in their healing process.
Support the Child With Compassion
- “I am glad you told me.”
- “This was not your fault.”
- “I am so proud of you.”
- “I will need to call someone to help us.”
Control Your Reaction
- Don’t get excited/angry, you may cause them to feel more anxious and withhold information
- Be calm and allow the child to speak on their own time using their own words
- Do not rush or ask specific questions – in fact the law enforcement and CPS do not want you to ask questions. The child’s report is the main evidence in the case and it is important that you do not risk the threat of “tainting” the evidence by asking questions or suggesting what may or may not have happened
- Do not make negative or demeaning comments toward the victim “why didn’t you say no?” “How could you let this happen?”
- Do not threaten harm on the abuser. One of the reasons a child may not disclose is because they were afraid of what may happen to their abuser, especially if it’s a family member or someone who is considered to be a friend. Threatening may discourage the child from disclosing further information or talking to authorities.
- You may feel a sense of denial, but do not ignore what the child is saying or try to tell them that they are wrong or mistaken. Treat it seriously and leave it to a professional to substantiate the abuse.
If the Child Recants
Oftentimes the process of disclosing abuse and having to report can be very stressful and an emotional, intimidating experience. Some children may feel so overwhelmed that they may try to “take it back.” It is often reported by survivors that they were pressured by family/community members to not pursue charges, and to forgive the offender and move on, or accept what other’s see as the child’s “share of the blame” in the abuse. This only furthers to hinder the child’s ability to heal, and enables the perpetrator to continue their destructive behavior.
Due to extreme duress, a child may change their story, and say that they’re not sure what happened, that it may have “been a dream” or that it was a lie. It is important to know that less than 1% of reports of sexual abuse originating from a child prove false. A recantation is more likely a sign that the child is in need of more support, not less.
