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Suspected Abuse
In many instances of sexual abuse, someone or many people suspected something. The difference between preventing child sexual abuse and enabling it is often a matter of people who are caring and strong enough to make a phone call. Many people are afraid of causing trouble for someone, being wrong that they convince themselves that their suspicions are incorrect or simply try to deny what they know and what it could mean. Or worse, know and ignore the abuse.
If we are going to become a society of Mama and Papa Bears we have to throw fear and denial out the window. We have to tell ourselves and our community - we will not back down when a child's safety is at risk. We will go the distance. We recognize in our hearts the horror of that child's experience and the emotional torture that stays with them after the physical abuse has ended. Their pain is our pain. The love in our hearts is for that child. And we will stand up and be strong for them when they need us most.
From Darkness to Light's Website www.d2l.org:
What if I’m Not Sure? Where Do I Go?
I Asked My Child and He said No.
As we've mentioned, most children will not disclose abuse for years, if ever. But even when directly asked if they are being abused, many will still say no. Asking once is not enough. Assure them that you can protect them. Assure them that it is would not be their fault. Let them know they can come to you, or any responsible adult. Be loving. Be open. Be calm.
If we are going to become a society of Mama and Papa Bears we have to throw fear and denial out the window. We have to tell ourselves and our community - we will not back down when a child's safety is at risk. We will go the distance. We recognize in our hearts the horror of that child's experience and the emotional torture that stays with them after the physical abuse has ended. Their pain is our pain. The love in our hearts is for that child. And we will stand up and be strong for them when they need us most.
From Darkness to Light's Website www.d2l.org:
What if I’m Not Sure? Where Do I Go?
- Child Advocacy Centers coordinate all the professionals (legal and social services) involved in a case. If you’re unsure about whether to make an official report or just need support, contact a child advocacy center. They will help you evaluate your suspicions. To find one near you, contact National Children’s Alliance at www.nca-online.org or 1-800-239-9950.
- Child Abuse Helplines have staff specifically trained to deal with questions about suspected child sexual abuse. Call Darkness to Light’s helpline, 1-866-FOR-LIGHT to be routed to resources in your own community, or call the ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD
- Local Community Agencies, such as local hotlines, United Way offices, or rape crisis centers can often help.
- Talk to the Child’s Parents (as long as they are not the abusers) and provide educational materials, such as the 7 Steps to Protecting Our Children Guide. If the parent seems indifferent or unlikely to take action, call one of the other recommended sources.
- A Psychologist if it is your child, and especially if they are young (under 7), it may be best to have them evaluated by a professional before making a report.
I Asked My Child and He said No.
As we've mentioned, most children will not disclose abuse for years, if ever. But even when directly asked if they are being abused, many will still say no. Asking once is not enough. Assure them that you can protect them. Assure them that it is would not be their fault. Let them know they can come to you, or any responsible adult. Be loving. Be open. Be calm.
DISCLOSURE OF ABUSE FROM A Child
It most likely took great courage for the child to disclose the abuse. It is very important that we are prepared for this moment so that we can best support the victim and make sure that the proper information is shared with the authorities. From the moment they first start talking to you about their abuse, you become involved in their healing process.
Support the Child With Compassion
If the Child Recants
Oftentimes the process of disclosing abuse and having to report can be very stressful and an emotional, intimidating experience. Some children may feel so overwhelmed that they may try to "take it back. It is often reported by survivors that they were pressured by family/community members to not pursue charges, and to forgive the offender and move on, or accept what other's see as the child's "share of the blame" in the abuse. Sad, but true.
Due to extreme duress, a child may change their story, and say that they're not sure what happened, that it may have "been a dream" or that it was a lie. It is important to know that less than 1% of reports of sexual abuse originating from a child prove false. A recantation is more likely a sign that the child is in need of more support.
Support the Child With Compassion
- "I am glad you told me."
- "This was not your fault."
- "I am so proud of you."
- "I will need to call someone to help us."
- Don't get excited/angry you may cause them to feel more anxious and withhold information
- Be calm and allow the child to speak on their own
- Do not rush or ask specific questions - in fact the law enforcement and CPS do not want you to ask questions. The child's report is the main evidence in the case and it is important that you do not risk the threat of "tainting" the evidence by asking questions or suggesting what may or may not have happened
- Do not make negative or demeaning comments toward the victim "why didn't you say no?" "How could you let this happen?"
- Do not threaten harm on the abuser. One of the reasons the child did not disclose is because they were afraid of what may happen to their abuser, especially if it's a family member or someone who is considered to be a friend. Threatening may discourage the child from disclosing further information or talking to authorities.
- You may feel a sense of denial but do not ignore what the child is saying or try to tell them that they are wrong or mistaken. Treat it seriously and leave it to a professional to substantiate the abuse.
If the Child Recants
Oftentimes the process of disclosing abuse and having to report can be very stressful and an emotional, intimidating experience. Some children may feel so overwhelmed that they may try to "take it back. It is often reported by survivors that they were pressured by family/community members to not pursue charges, and to forgive the offender and move on, or accept what other's see as the child's "share of the blame" in the abuse. Sad, but true.
Due to extreme duress, a child may change their story, and say that they're not sure what happened, that it may have "been a dream" or that it was a lie. It is important to know that less than 1% of reports of sexual abuse originating from a child prove false. A recantation is more likely a sign that the child is in need of more support.
